I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
