3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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