I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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