we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
