I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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