Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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