Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
