Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
