It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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