Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
