I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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