he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
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Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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