Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
