I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
