Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
