So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
