how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
