Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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