There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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