im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
