I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
