And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
