she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
