Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
