There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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