see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize