I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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