I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
