Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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