I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
