if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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