Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
