on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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