At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
