i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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