You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
