dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
