Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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