I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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