She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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