Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
