it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love having hate sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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