I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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