When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
