Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
