Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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