I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
