I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
