Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What a dumb baby whore.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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