No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
