Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need moral support for this bender
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
