i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize