I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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