its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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