Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
