moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
