discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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