shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
