happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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