He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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