OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
