So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
