I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize