i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
