I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
