Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
