The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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