every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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