loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
