I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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