Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
